i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
