Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
