We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
