I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
this just has baby written all over it
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
