i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
