Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
