Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
operation have a gay friend backfired
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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