i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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