he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I love having hate sex.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
