I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
