why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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