That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
