i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
