i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
