im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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