The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
