o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
