He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
