How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
