Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
