i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
