Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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