He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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