He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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