Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
