Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
