whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.