I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.