you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.