god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
