miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon