my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
