TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
