So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
