I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
