Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
