I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
