dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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