you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
