So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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