i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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