Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
