Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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