Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
