yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
