I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
