so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
