thus making me awesome and them whores
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
