He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
