Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
