It's like a parade of train wrecks.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
