You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
