I think I died a long time ago.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
