I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
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I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
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That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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