I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
