He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
