Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
