So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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