I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
