My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Woke up backwards on a recliner
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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