All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
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he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
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