My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
