I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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