Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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