My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
im about as happy as oj after his trial
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
