My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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