If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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