I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
