can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I think I sprained my soul last night
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
