I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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