We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
