this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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