I cockslap morals
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
