Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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