I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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