She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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