my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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