I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
