My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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