I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
