you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
