He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
